Creating Safety - by Luke and Cindra at Conscious couples

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Thanks to Luke and Cindra for this blog


You can connect with them on instagram www.instragram.com/consciouscouplescoaching/




'" I NEED TO FEEL SAFE""


Ok so wtf does that mean

What is means is safe from judgement, expectations, secrets, pedestals

baggage. ALLLLL that stuff, it means you are free to be you, show up exactly as you are to express you needs, desires or lack there of, free to sometimes take control or mostly free to surrender and be ravaged.

When someone tells you they need to feel safe, it means they are struggling to let go of control and surrender, They want to be ravaged or held or explored or they have no fu.king idea of what they want and even less idea on how to let their guard down to find out.

We see this so much in long term relationships, we see it in our own all the time.

We have been together for 3.5 years, we co parent twins, run a business together, have side jobs, other relationships etc, we can go a week with out sex with all of the "stuff" that builds up. the "stuff" becomes a safety cock block however we go to someone else's house where there is no "stuff", no pressure just intimacy and we will fu.ck all night and the next morning.

So how do you create the safety in a relationship to allow space for intimacy? For starters you let everyone off the hook, drop the "stuff" ... the blame game, the misunderstandings, the missed opportunities, the guilt, shame the expectations.... DROP THE PRESSURE.

To drop the pressure, you have to drop the idea of scarcity/lack of intimacy/not enough, there is an abundance of love and sex in the world if we can just create space for it. Unless it is part of a kink, no one wants to be told they have to or need to turn on their intimacy/vulnerability/bravery on demand, normally that results in a big old FU.CK YOU or indirect avoidance.

We need to drop the goal off the orgasm and swap it for the goal of intimate connection and understanding. Go for more listening to needs than telling partner what they should do (unless that is requested) ask your partner heart felt questions about what they want more of and less of. Reflect back their needs and desire and watch their walls fall down for connection as they see you want to know them more. Share what you know about them, what you have learned from their honesty.

When every you feel triggered, you want to pull them into your feelings, ask yourself is this problem a ME/WE/SOCIETY society and narrate it from that angle so they can know your experience better.

Safety comes from the feeling of being able to simply be. So how can we offer that? Unconditional love, we love them how ever they are, knowing it is simply their experience. Stop taking everything personally and lead by example. FFS just BE and LOVE them, ravish them with love, no expectations for them except to be themselves.

The lengths humans will go to, to avoid their shit/the things they don't "want" to do.... are pretty much the entire study of human psychology.

If you would like further support on this please reach out.

David Deida's book "The Way of The Superior Man" is an incredible resource for this work, we highly recommend it to all humans to understand the relationship between masculine/feminine energies and the dance to create intimacy.



Credit to Luke and Cindra at Conscious Couples


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