Over the many many years I have worked around sexuality, predominately in the adult industry I have seen the meaning and the practices around consent change a lot
Some of these changes have now been reflected in legislative changes - as always only after the fact. Much of consent is just plain common sense. Sometimes however it is fairly complex especially when we venture into the world of consensual non-consent. Essentially there is just no substitute for in depth communication
When we here the word consent if often brings up memories and stories of times consent has been breached. But CONSENT is something of great beauty Its hot and its sexy and its worth exploring in great detail. Properly negotiated consent is the gateway to trust and connection. When you can trust another to set their boundaries you are free to explore within those confines.
We used to define consent as NO means NO - We now know that this is woefully inadequate and at times even dangerous. In our sexual lives and even in our day to day living there are literally dozens of reasons why someone will say YES when they mean NO Wanting to please someone and wanting to fit in are just two examples. Of more concern -for those who have experienced trauma there is the possibility of going into a fawn response. This means at the precise moment that someone feels scared they will act in a way designed to please and appease to pacify a perceived threat This means agreeing to things that are not desired as a way of staying safe
For most of us the answer to true consent lies in your body . Even when your mind is overthinking all the things you think you SHOULD be doing, your body will by giving you its own signs.
. Learning to know your own body and approaching sex from a place of embodiment is the key to learning to understand your own desires and set your own boundaries
One of the key factors in consent is understanding your own wants , needs and boundaries TRUST is an integral part of consent . BUT - many people think this means trusting someone else not to do anything to upset you. However without communication this may not be possible. There is no way another can read my mind and know what I want and what I do not want in any given moment
The purpose is for each and every one of us to become familiar with our own bodies. In taking an embodied and conscious approach to sex we can become more aware of our own wants needs and limits As you lean into trusting your own boundaries and get skilled at communicating your wants and needs and expressing a cleat yes and no you can fully trust yourself